Step It Up. Be a Man. Be a Dad.

When I was a kid, I don’t remember my dad ever stepping foot into any of my schools. Not once. Now, I’m not mentioning this because I believe my dad was a bad dad. To the contrary, he was an excellent provider and dispenser of fatherly advice. But I always knew I wanted to be a dad and I wanted to be a hands-on dad. That’s the main difference between my father and I; we have vastly different parenting styles. One of the things I do for my children is to volunteer at their elementary school once a month. I am part of a volunteer program called Watch D.O.G.S. (Dads of Great Students), which “is the father involvement initiative of the National Center for Fathering that organizes fathers and father figures in order to provide positive male role models for the students and to enhance school security.” Doing this allows me the opportunity to get to know the teachers and staff at my kids’ school, meet the kids my children are friends with, and see what it is like for my kids to be in school and what their daily routine is like. Mostly, it is more time I get to spend with my kids. I love being a dad and I enjoy the company of my children. But, and this is a BIG but, I ended up learning more about myself and what it means to be a dad than I ever expected by volunteering at their school.

When I’m at the school, all of the kids tell me the funniest things. They tell me things without any filter and without any provocation at all. For instance, when my oldest was in kindergarten, she had a little boy in her class that I guess would have been considered the bully. He was an obnoxious little brat that always made loud outbursts during class and constantly harassed the other students. I could tell that the teacher was at her wits end with this kid. I couldn’t help but think that this kid needed a good spanking (and I never spanked my own kids!). I made it a point to keep my eye on him. Later in the day, the class was in line to go outside for recess. The bully was terrorizing some of the kids. I stepped over to him and place my hand firmly on his shoulder, maneuvering him to the back of the line. He looked up at me with a straight face and said, “I wish my dad would be a Watch DOG.” I asked him why his dad didn’t do it and he said, “Because he’s in jail.” My heart sank. He said this so matter-of-factly too like he was telling me his favorite game to play or what color the sky was. Little did this brat know just how much he affected me that day. It had a profound effect on me. Volunteering at my kids’ school became more than time to spend with my kids; it gave me some great insight into being a parent too.

My oldest is now in the fifth grade and my youngest is in the second grade and I still volunteer once a month at their school. A couple of Fridays ago, I was at their school and I received plenty of unprovoked insight about the fathers of these kids. While at lunch with my youngest daughter, the girl sitting next to her leaned over to me and asked, “Do you know my dad?” I told her that I wasn’t sure if I knew her dad. She responded, “He’s the one with the really, really, really fat stomach because he likes beer.” I had to try my hardest not to laugh out loud. That was the funniest thing I had heard all day. Then the kid across from my daughter chimed in. He said that he wanted his dad to be a Watch Dog too. When I asked him why his dad didn’t volunteer, he said, “I don’t have a dad anymore because he lives far away in El Paso.” Again, my heart sank. And then, I got angry. “What is wrong with these men?” I thought. Their children were telling a complete stranger that all they wanted was for their dads to be involved in their lives. It was a really, really, really, sad realization to me: there are a LOT of dads in this world that just plain suck at being a dad. Just in my neighborhood alone, dozens of children over the past few years have revealed this to me. Multiply that times the number of elementary schools in Texas alone, then the number is staggering. Multiply that times the number of elementary schools in the United States, then the number is mind boggling. Times the number of schools in the world... well, you get the picture. These children were being neglected and they were telling anyone who would listen to them. It made me very sad.

Now, I’m not going to get on my high horse here in this blog. I’m not going to stand on my soap box. I’m not... wait a minute! Yes, I am going to do these things. I am going to call you out, you “sorry excuses” for fathers. I know it’s cliché and I know there have been plenty of famous people in this world who have called out bad fathers and pleaded with them to be better parents (Bill Cosby comes to mind) but I am going to join this plea as well. Any man can father children (well, unless there is something wrong with them in that department but I’m getting off track here). Again, MOST men can easily father children but it takes a real man to be a dad. I repeat, it takes a real man to be a dad. Being a parent is hard. It requires you to be a responsible, grown-up. It means you need to be involved with your children. It means making good choices that don’t land you in jail or moving far away to El Paso when all your children want to know is that you love them and want to be there for them. I know it’s a lot for me to ask of you, fellow fathers, and maybe I am naïve to think that all fathers should want to be a dad like I knew I wanted to be a dad when I had my children. So I’m going to jab at the one thing I know all men put in high esteem: their pride. Step it up, be a man, be a dad. Your children are confessing to strangers like me that they need you. If you don’t do it, then someone you don’t see fit to raise your children will step in and be their dads. Or worse, your children won’t have a father-figure at all. Your children need you. Be there for them. They would grow up to be better people if you just showed them how much you love them. And for those of you who don’t step it up: shame on you.

Thanks for letting me vent a little bit. I appreciate it very much. If you are a dad or grandfather or uncle or big brother and you have a child in your life that you want to be more involved with, then go to their school and ask them if you can volunteer or if they have a Watch D.O.G. program that you can join. For more information about Watch D.O.G.S., please visit Fathers.com and read about Watch D.O.G.S. You will be glad you did and your child will love it. I promise!